Loyalty: The Characteristic That’s Missing In Most Relationships Today
The thread of loyalty has unraveled and needs to be stitched back into place
I was raised with the concept that loyalty is one of the most important characteristics that one should have in a relationship. Early on in my life, the saying “I’ll be with you through thick and thin” became a mantra to live by with family, friends, and country. This was loyalty.
Loyalty to country prompted me to voluntarily enter into the military amid a war conflict and I ended up in the combat zone with the understanding that I could lose my life. But I was committed to loyalty to my country.
I had friends that I’d been loyal to since childhood and thought they would be loyal to me as well. I even had a girl that I adored and wanted to marry when I returned. And then reality set in.
When I returned from the war my country didn’t accept me and scorned me for participating in the conflict (Viet Nam). My friends no longer were as close as before and the girl I left behind declined to marry me.
Worst yet, the fact that I am Black caused me to be denied equal treatment and subjected me to ridicule and discrimination.
I shall never forget the incident where I was denied entrance into a restaurant in Arkansas while in military uniform with some of my so-called white comrades.
The owner of the restaurant met us promptly at the door and welcomed them in. He looked at me with disdain and said “boy you can’t come in here. We have a place for you around the back of the restaurant.” My white comrades, in full uniform, went in to eat and enjoy themselves.
When they returned I was sitting in the car. They immediately stated that what had happened was wrong and that I was just as worthy to eat in that place as they were. However, it fell on deaf ears because their loyalty as a friend and shipmate had been destroyed.
It was then that I began to understand the other part of the old saying “I’ll be with you through thick and thin.” The other part I learned is “but when it gets thick, they thin out.”
Perhaps, you’ve felt you were loyal to someone or a cause and the loyalty was broken. It happens but, what I’ve come to know that’s important is what you do about loyalty yourself.
What Is Loyalty?
Loyalty by definition is one’s feelings of support or duty toward someone or something. It is a steadfast devotion to and never betraying the interest of one’s homeland or government, faithfulness to a person, ideal or custom.
The Roman senator, Seneca, called it “the holiest virtue in the human heart.”
That may have been true 2000 years ago but since then loyalty, that once-essential virtue, is fading fast and our sense of community and identity is disappearing with it.
An Example of Loyalty
I am a student of the Bible and its teachings about life and business. What I’ve learned is, despite what your beliefs are, the principles within the scriptures work and can be applied for great value in business and life.
Within the Book of Ruth, we learn a lot about loyalty in a relationship. Ruth was the Moabite daughter-in-law of a Jewess named Naomi. (Ruth 1:16–17). They were living in Moab when both of their husbands died.
Naomi decided to return to her country, Israel, and encouraged Ruth to stay with her people in Moab. Naomi, even said to her “there is nothing in my country for you.”
Because of her love and loyalty to her mother-in-law, Ruth refused to stay with her people and insisted on going to Israel (Judah) with Naomi. She said “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”
This is a powerful living example of loyalty.
Because of her loyalty, Ruth ultimately met and married a leading ruler in Israel and from that union’s generational lineage King David, Israel’s greatest king was born.
Where Loyalty Stands Today
The type of loyalty I was taught and that exemplified in the Book of Ruth has dissipated greatly in our society and especially in America.
Today’s new version of loyalty is summed up in the concept that loyalty means loyalty to self apart from anyone else. Ironically, it is advice given to Hamlet: “To thine own self be true.”
Within America and many of its allied nations, there is a loss of the true concept of loyalty.
Philosopher Donald De Marco says what’s happened is that “we’ve lost the sense of a common good. We’ve made an invalid of loyalty.” He says that without an acceptance of common good, or allegiance to something beyond the self, loyalty crumbles.
He predicts that “either we’ll become more tribal, or families will become a lot tighter as we see other people as potential threats. Or else there will be a general disintegration. When the social safety net disappears, it may be every person for himself.”
Sadly that time has arrived. Much talk is made about loyalty but the test of loyalty is conduct rather than platitudes or lip service.
We are now living in a What’s In It For Me eco-system. It’s about me first always and never about you unless it benefits me. Loyalty is out the window.
To me, loyalty begins with honesty. If you can’t trust me, then you cannot be loyal to me. Loyalty means I keep my word and follow through on my commitments. It means I support you in what you do and your interests, even if I don’t share them.
Loyalty replaces judgment with empathy. However, there is a limit to this concept. If you expect me to suspend my judgment and support you in something I think is wrong or dangerous, then it is within my right to refuse.
The Thread of Loyalty Has Unraveled and Needs to be Stitched Back Into Place.
The fabric of America supposedly is built upon loyalty. We extol it in language championing duty, honor, and country. We exclaim it in phrases such as “all for one and one for all”. We talk the talk but fail to walk the walk. We don’t do what we say and our country is now in shambles because of a lack of loyalty to what the country says it stands for.
Lack of loyalty has denied equal justice and opportunity. It has separated and polarized divisions among different races. It has set in motion a pathway for the destruction of our nation’s democracy. The event of January 6, 2021, where insurrectionists stormed our nation’s capital in a fit of rage is a prime example of our country’s dysfunction with loyalty.
From my observations, all of this can be turned around and the concept of loyalty can become a measuring stick for reconciliation and recovery. It all begins with one person. It begins with you.
Here are the steps, the threads that can stitch and knit back the fabric of loyalty. It starts with you:
- Be loyal to yourself by sticking to principles and ethics of decency.
- Resist the temptation to go back on your word or a commitment.
- When there is disagreement, work out the issue.
- Treat others as you want to be treated, with respect and kindness
- Be helpful, consistent, dependable, thoughtful, and punctual
- Have the mindset of “Go-Giver”, not a “Go-Getter.” If you’re giving it will come back to you. This is the concept of reciprocity. What you reap is what you have sown.
Conclusion
Loyalty is an important part of any relationship whether it’s between nations, governments, businesses, families, or individuals.
The fundamental unit of loyalty and its power lays within people. Individuals are the basic unit of loyalty to one another which evolves into loyalty to family, business, government, and country.
Loyalty, which includes the characteristics of honesty, integrity, empathy, and dependability is the thread that can knit back together broken relationships and heal the hurts of hearts which is so needed now.
Let it begin with you.
