How To Let Go of Bitterness and Forgive
Bitterness keeps you from flying
You thought your life was going great. You had a great career, in the best of health, money was no problem, you were with the love of your life, and you felt totally in control. And then it happened.
Your best friend betrayed you and stabbed you in the back by revealing secrets you’d never told anyone else and now you are embarrassed, ashamed, and ridiculed by others. Even worse, it caused you to lose the relationship you wanted to keep with your significant other.
It’s a double whammy in your life and you are angry, extremely hurt, disillusioned, feeling revengeful, and spiraling into depression.
You became bitter and resentful and now the world that was so beautiful before is dark and a sea of despair.
I know the feeling. I’ve been there and it’s not a pretty sight. The pain can be excruciating.
Perhaps your story might be different but the end result is the same. Bitterness sets in and takes a place inside of you that fills up and just takes over your life.
When someone suffers a monumental hurt their world is badly disrupted. Concentration is almost impossible on anything other than the present turmoil or pain.
In this article, we discuss bitterness and how to get rid of it and forgive the person or persons who caused it, and just as important, how to forgive yourself and move on with your life.
Bitterness can stop you from living the best life you possibly can. It has the power of keeping you where you are and making you feel you don’t deserve the life you desire to live.
Being bitter or harboring feelings of resentment toward others can harm your overall health and work. It keeps you thinking “I didn’t deserve that.” “I wish you could also experience what you put me through” and makes it impossible for you to wish anything good for the person who hurt you.
Being angry and resentful is normal especially when wronged. Therefore, do not beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. However, the most important thing to bear in mind is that holding on to such feelings can hinder your progress and stop you from realizing your full potential.
Bitterness prevents you from aiming high and reaching your dreams because it keeps you focusing on the wrong that was done as well as the person who wronged you.
Thoughts of anger, pain, resentment, and sometimes self-pity gain the upper hand in everything you do. You daily reflect on the incident and how you didn’t deserve what happened to you and end up giving room to feelings of self-doubt that end up lowering your self-esteem.
What is Forgiveness?
The dictionary definition of forgiveness is “to cease to feel resentment against an offender; to give up resentment or a claim to requital (revenge).
Psychologists define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
In addition, psychologists state: “just as important as defining what forgiveness is, is also the understanding of what forgiveness is not. What they say and teach is that forgiveness does not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you. It does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offense.
Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you or release them from legal accountability.
Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger.”
The Bible says much about forgiveness and how to use it to get rid of bitterness. In the book of Romans, the Apostle Paul talks about how to deal with those who have wronged us. He instructs us on how to deal with others in the following passages:
Rom 12:19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
Rom 12:20 Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” [see also Proverbs 25:22.]
Rom 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Forgiveness is the prescription to cure Bitterness
Forgiveness is strong medicine for bitterness and revenge. When life delivers a devastating blow, there is nothing as effective as forgiveness for healing deep wounds.
Understand that forgiving someone isn’t just about them. It’s about you too. It’s about your health, peace, and joy. Learn to let go of the hurt and anger. Try to forgive and refuse to hold on to resentment because it will keep you from attaining your aims and living the life you want.
Letting go of bitterness isn’t easy because you know you didn’t deserve what you went through and that you were not in the wrong. The thought of forgiving someone who put you through all the pain and perhaps trauma you experienced is difficult.
However, it can be done. Once you acknowledge and accept that forgiveness is more about you and your growth as well as your peace of mind and less about the offender, letting go of bitterness can be achievable.
It begins with desiring to forget the pain and forgive. It begins with deciding that you will no longer hold on to feelings of resentment because you have goals to accomplish, relationships to grow, dreams to fulfill, and a purposeful life to live.
Remember that your power to forgive lays in embracing the fact that bitterness hinders your progress and keeps you from flying. Eliminating those negative emotions and thoughts that you shelter and replacing them with positive ones will help you heal faster, get over the hurt little by little, and forgive more. It puts you in a position where you can say “I am strong enough to forgive” and “I forgive you.”
You will be surprised at how easily letting go of bitterness comes once you choose to forgive and begin living your life the way you wish you would.
Letting go of bitterness is the key to attaining seemingly unattainable goals.
Do you often find yourself thinking “This is too ambitious” or “There is no way I can achieve that?” If Yes, then realize that such thoughts are a result of sheltering anger and bitterness, as well as failing to forgive.
Bitterness makes it impossible for you to reach your highest goals in life because it leads to self-doubt and self-pity. It lowers your self-confidence and demotivates you from acting on your goals or doing what needs to be done. Therefore, let it go.
3 phrases to help you to let go of bitterness and forgive.
1. “I don’t deserve to live like this.”
Knowing the negative impact that bitterness has on your overall wellbeing and understanding that your life doesn’t have to be controlled by what happened in the past will enable you to forgive and let go of resentment.
2. Don’t get caught up in the old saying “if you forgive you must forget it.”
Recognize that there is peace in forgiving someone even when you feel they don’t deserve it or when they don’t change or show remorse. Practice saying “I forgive you” in front of the mirror and tell the person who wronged you that you forgive them even when he or she doesn’t sincerely ask for forgiveness.
This will help you heal, focus on your goals, live peacefully, and enable you to accomplish whatever you are aiming for. Know that you are strong enough to forgive because you survived whatever you went through.
Don’t get caught up in the saying that if you truly forgive someone then you will forget it. That’s nonsense. This comes from a false and incorrect interpretation of biblical scriptures.
In the book of Jeremiah 31:34, God’s Word says: “for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more” This is a metaphorical statement and not to be taken literally.
The words are used to create a mental image to emphasize the grace of God in that He forgives and does not hold one liable for sins committed. The debt is paid in full.
Moreover, think about this example when it comes to forgiveness. If someone caused a physical scar on your arm that is forever visible you can forgive that person, which means you will not try to exact revenge for it nor will you be bitter.
But every time you see that scar it will remind you of how it got there so you haven’t forgotten the incident and who put it there yet, you no longer harbor hatred, bitterness, or the urge to seek revenge. That’s the real concept, application, and freedom of forgiveness.
3. “I won’t allow resentment to stop me from living peacefully.”
Recognize that your peace is more important than holding on to bitterness and choose to let it go. Keep reminding yourself that your goal is to live peacefully, happily, and purposefully and replace anger with cheerfulness.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for improved health and peace of mind. Forgiveness can lead to:
- Healthier relationships
- Improved mental health
- Less anxiety, stress, and hostility
- Lower blood pressure
- Fewer symptoms of depression
- A stronger immune system
- Improved heart health
- Improved self-esteem
Conclusion
If you’ve been hurt and damaged by someone and it’s caused your life to be upside down, bitter, and revengeful free yourself by forgiving that person or persons.
Let it go!
You don’t have to forget what happened but forgiveness frees you from what happened. Forgiveness is more for you than for them and the results allow you to fly and reap the benefits of living a purposeful and more prosperous life.
